You're still here
by CanadaGrizzly
Summary: "If youre even considering drinking this,I must be dead don't slip into that pit again my love. For I can't pull you out this time. I've hidden several other notes around the place. Hopefully theyre still here. " Nancy Threadgoode was many things. And after the Walkers were gone, she needed to find herself again. She returns to the place where she left her heart. Please review.
1. Notes?

As all things do, It came to an end. Overnight, as if by magic, cities and towns began rebuilding. She was nearly forty now, and no longer had her ever faithful mare beside her.

She saddled another horse, borrowed from somewhere long abandoned, and made the long long journey to the place it all began. After nearly a month's ride, she saw it, the old, condemned house with the boat in the driveway and the bomb shelter in the backyard. Up the rickety stairs, she walked, entering the first room, a lump in her throat as she saw the toys and books and games, the my little pony bed sheets and matching pillowcases, the picture drawn in a child's hand that was framed on the study desk "Auntie Nancy, Me and Towanda" She picked it up and held it close, a tear tracing it's way down her cheek.

She turned from the room, making her way to the master bedroom, opening the door, a strangled cry leaving her body as soon as she was met with the scent she had long forgotten. The scent of Lavender and sugar cookies still hung thickly in the air, though most other scents had faded. She opened the closet, tossing aside men's bathrobes and suits and shirts, until she found it. A tattered, worn Cardigan sweater, purple with the elbows nearly worn out fell from the hanger into her arms, and she sank to her knees, pulling each article of clothing from the hangers, until she lay in a giant laundry pile. She sobbed, her heart aching as she wept, clinging desperately to the soft purple sweater in her arms.

When the world had gone to shit, she hadn't 's simply raced her truck home and hurried into the barn after Towanda. When Walker's filled her barn, destroying her prized stallions and mares, not a single tear had fallen. She'd ridden here, to find her two loves. When she had found the house abandoned, and seen the note, written on the garage door in toothpaste, she hadnt cried. She had galloped to the highway, heading towards Atlanta. When she found the camp, and the child who was her daughter in all but birth pointed toward the quarry path, she hadnt cried, just spurred the mare forward with the furry of a thousand suns. She had cried then, as she held her beloved in her arms, blood on her shirt from the battle she had fought and won. She hadnt cried as she held her family close, watching the time ticking away, her daughter clinging to her, as she whispered stories about turning the barrels on a magic flying horse. No. She hadnt cried. But shed wanted to.

Now she was sobbing so hard she felt her chest would break, so hard she didn't hear the soft, nearly silent footsteps, didn't know anyone was there until she felt the strong warrior's arms around her.

"Shhh….It's alright. It's alright." Nancy buried her face in Michonne's chest, the long braids tickling the back of her neck and bringing her an odd comfort.

"I loved her. I loved her and she's gone ...She's supposed to be here. The Walkers are done...everything's ok again...but she isnt...she's gone….and I'm all alone now…."

"Nancy...youre not alone. She loved you. You know that. She loved you and she knew you loved her. She loved you. Your name was the last she spoke. You know that. You held her. She's with her daughter now. She's happy. She's with Carl, and Rick, and..Andrea.." Michonne's voice trailed off and she swallowed a lump in her throat. "Our loves are waiting for us."

Down in the kitchen, Michonne started a pot of tea, lighting the stove with a match, and found some ramen noodles still in the cabinet, starting those in a pan. Nancy found a bottle of liquor in the cabinet, and was just about to pour herself a shot of it, when she saw the note on the back.

_Horse whisperer, _

_If youre even considering drinking this,_

_I must be dead._

_Don't slip into that pit again my love_

_For I can't pull you out this time. _

_I've hidden several other notes around the place._

_Hopefully theyre still here. _

_They should be, Raiders are gone now._

_I love you,_

_Carol_

She dropped the bottle and it crashed onto the floor, instantly sending her to her knees as she pulled the tattered note from the sticky ruins of whisky. She held it out to Michonne with a shaking hand, tears falling again as her beloved friend wrapped her in her arms.

"She...hid..notes...for me.." Nancy whispered, wondering if she was crazy as a smile broke out on her face. "She hid notes. Its...she knew id come back here...She knew...She knew...Oh Mich! Could you...can you help me to find them?"

Michonne smiled softly at her, bringing her to the table and setting a bowl of steaming ramen and a mug of ginger tea down in front of her. "After you eat...and rest. We'll search for one a day, and you can tell me how you two met became so close.

"Alright." Nancy whispered, her eyes pained and puffy from crying, the ginger tea soothing her aching throat and the ramen filling her empty stomach. She held Michonne's offered hand, her eyes lifting to look into the brown ones she knew so well. "Michonne? Can you tell me about her? About Andrea?"

"I dont see why not. If we finish our food and go lay down, I'll tell you all about her. How we fell in love, and how she taught me to trust again. It isnt the same, as you and your Carol,but I loved her, just the same."

"It IS the same. I promise you that." Nancy whispered softly, pulling Michonne close in her arms, smiling sadly. "Do you think they're watching over us?"

"I do." Michonne whispered. "I truly do."


	2. Tragic backstory

_Nancy Threadgood, in her early years had one hero, and that was her older sister Sophia. Sophia Threadgood was the most well known barrel racer in all of Georgia. Nancy never missed a rodeo, or a practice session, and if you couldnt find her, well, you mind as well check the family stable, where she'd be in Buckshot's stall doing her homework while Sophia groomed her steed. She worshiped the ground Sophia walked on, and while some older sisters didnt want their younger siblings tagging along, Sophia was happy to have Nancy sitting on the rails while she practiced at a lesson, and sometimes, when she had a date, Nancy got to ride along to the drive in with her and whatever Beau she was seeing at the time, and drink a coke and eat french fries, as long as she didnt pester the two young lovebirds. _

_It was on one particular morning, the day of the Tri-state rodeo, and Nancy and her best friend Carol were seated in family seating, chowing on popcorn and watching Sophia's first Go-Round. _

"_Now you have it Folks. Sophia Threadgood and Buckshot." Nancy watched as her big sister rode into the arena, galloping forward into the first turn, making it around in record time, charging around the second and third barrels, galloping home. _

"_NO!" Nancy shouted as Buckshot lost his footing, falling and crushing her sister underneath himself. "NO! SOPHIA!" She tried to climb over the railing, tried to run to her, but was stopped by her best friend Carol's strong arms._

"_No...No...sweetie...you cant go over there. You cant...ok. Look. there come the paramedics. Ok ..Nan...Nancy listen to me...you cant go over there...no Nan. No. hey...shhhh...She'll be alright...she'll be alright…"_

_Something changed in Nancy, the day they buried Sophia. She stopped going to school, instead walking past the bus stop to the white church, where Sophia and Buckshot were buried side by side. Reverend Stokes would come out in the beginning, and she came to love his calm, gentle way, but she refused to go to church. If God were real, why would he take her sister, especially while she was doing what she loved. Carol stayed with her for nearly a year and a half, until her father got transferred to Seattle, and the only other person who meant anything to her was ripped from her life against her will. After that, the last bit of hope left her, and she retreated from the life she had practically lived at the stable, spending all day turning the barrels on Towanda, the palomino mare she'd been given for her twelfth birthday in an attempt by her parents to help heal her broken heart. She taught herself to barrel race and began competing seriously by the following season. She took to smoking cigarettes,drinking liquor and playing cards with the cowboys at the stable she worked at, but she never messed around with a single one of them. Her heart belonged to someone already. She came inside, every once in a while to shower and eat, but otherwise she lived out in the barn with Towanda and her journal. She alternated between writing to Sophia and to Carol, sometimes simply drawing her sister and the horse shed died with. _

_Mama Threadgood hoped and prayed for something, anything to heal the hurt her precious child was feeling, and the horse didnt seem to help. She wrote to Captain Jameson and requested Carol be allowed to come stay with them for the summer before her wedding, and after hearing of Nancy's behavior, he readily agreed. _

"_Nancy." Mama said, during one of those rare times that Nancy ventured into the house still wearing those God- Awful cowgirl boots and jeans with manure on the legs. " Nancy. Im trying to talk to you. Would you just listen? For once?" _

"_What?" Nancy answered with an angry glare. _

"_Hey." Nancy turned, eyes bugging out as she saw the girl standing behind Mama. _

"_Carol? The hell you doin here? Thought you was with your Daddy out on the base." She took a hesitant step forward, trying to seem nonchalant. She was beautiful. Long curly brown hair, tied up in a messy ponytail, hoop earrings, and a pink hoodie. _

"_Hey Nan." Nancy lunged forward, wrapping Carol in her arms, inhaling the scent of flowers and just a hint of snickerdoodle. _

"_Gosh I missed you." Nancy whispered, a real smile appearing on her face for the first time in years. "Carol, You have no idea how much."_

"_If its anything like how I missed you, I surely do." Carol breathed, her expression warm and soft, her eyes filled with happiness at being back here. _

"_Hey, you want to go and see Towanda?" Nancy asked, hopping up backwards to sit on the kitchen counter, her legs swinging as she swiped a cookie from the cooling rack. _

"_Nancy, those are for . You know she just had a baby. Leave the care package alone." Nancy stopped mid eye roll as she saw Carol glaring daggers at her. "Your mama just baked them."_

"_Oh. so look whos the boss of me" Nancy gave Carol a playful smirk as she reached for another cookie, not expecting the hand slap she received. _

"_What the fuck Carol?" Nancy asked with a glare. _

"_Language. Nancy, you aint a kid anymore, and you know when your mama says no, its no. Your the oldest now, and youve got to set a better example for your-" She was cut off by Nancy leaping down from the counter and walking towards the door, grabbing her coat from the peg as she left. _

"_Well." Mama Threadgood gave a long drawn out sigh. "I thought for sure having you back would tame the wild thing that she's become. If you cant help her, I dont know whether Id hope she wind up in a hospital or a jail. Which would be worse."_


	3. Our last Summer

_As long as she lived, Nancy would remember that summer. Each and every wonderful day was spent with Carol, at the stable brushing Towanda, or out at the practice ring behind the house, or even at the county rodeos. To an outsider, Nancy hadn't changed much. She was still the brash, wild cowgirl who took pleasure in challenging the boys to a bull ride or a horse race through the city streets. _

_At Carol's insistence though, Nancy did begin attending church again with Mama and the little ones, and Reverend Stokes was overjoyed to see her back in the congregation. Begrudgingly, she even began to stay for Sunday dinner, even if, and she would never admit it as long as she lived, it was simply to feel Carol's hand on her own under the table. Carol had begun helping Mama to cook Sunday Dinner, and, at first, Nancy refused to step foot in the kitchen, but gradually, to her mother's utter amazement, started to help out more and more. _

_Carol too, had begun to change. Gone was the soft spoken Military Man's daughter. Carol had begun to learn how to ride. Nancy had started her out on a gentle brown gelding named Cookie, and now they rode daily alongside the creek. _

_"__You know, Sophia took me here, a long time ago." Nancy said softly one day, as they walked their horses in the creek while the sun beat hot on their heads. "If you're up for an adventure, I'd sure like to show you what she showed me."_

_Nancy led Carol up the bank, and through a very steep rocky path. They entered a clearing, with rich green grass and several shady trees. _

_"__Stay here. Hold Towanda." Nancy ignored Carol's quizzical expression. _

_"__Where are you going?" Carol asked as she was handed the reins. _

_"__Shh. I'll show you. Be very quiet and don't make any noise." Nancy walked slowly toward the middle of the clearing, chirping softly. In a matter of moments, a tall golden stallion stepped forward, pushing his head into her hand._

_"__Hello Fergus." She whispered softly, laughing as the horse reared, and she jumped onto his back, the wind whipping her hair as she galloped through the clearing, galloping over to stand in front of Carol, the majestic golden stallion bending to allow her to slide effortlessly off of her back. _

_"__Nan" Carol was breathless, shocked as she looked at Nancy, her eyes wide with shock. "You rode a wild horse. How long have you been doing this?" _

_"__Oh come on Carol. You aint mad at me are you?" Nancy sighed softly, not knowing what to make of her friend's expression. She hoped that Carol wasn't upset. She'd wanted to share the joy that this place brought to her with her friend, who, if she was being honest, was a little bit more than a friend._

_"__No . Nan. I'm not mad at you. Im...Im shocked. I've heard of people who can talk to horses. But you don't seem to be talking at all. You're a horse whisperer Nancy Threadgoode. A horse whisperer."_

_Something was different between the two of them after that day. Carol seemed to let loose, to spend less time trying to fix Nancy, and more time just loving her as she was. Every day they were at the stable, and Carol began to ride Spook, a younger mare that Nancy was training, instead of Cookie. Nancy taught Carol to barrel race, and many long evenings were spent in the arena, timing each other to see who was faster. Nancy let Carol win. _

_Often they would go to the clearing, and watch the herd, or down to the creek to cool off in the water. Nancy would bring along her smokes, and a fishing pole, and sit there with her feet in the water, smoking and fishing while Carol skipped stones._

_"__I wish you wouldn't do that." Carol observed, breaking the silence one day. "Smoke I mean. I've never liked the habit. It's nasty, and your breath smells horrid afterwards." _

_"__OK." Nancy couldn't think what else to say, as she flicked the cigarette into the water. She discreetly pulled the pack from her breast pocket and watched them float down stream one by one. That was the last time Nancy ever picked up a smoke. Her mother noticed, and when Nancy wasn't looking, thanked Carol for the gentle push she had given her daughter._

_If Mama Threadgoode wanted Something done, she would ask Carol to gently prod Nancy in that direction. In the same way as she'd gotten her to go to church and quit smoking, Carol convinced Nancy to enroll in school in the fall. _

_They were inseparable, as in love as two people in the summer time could be, though neither had confessed the way they were feeling inside. Carol had never been with anyone before, let alone a woman, especially not her best friend. Nancy worried about driving Carol away from her. It wasn't normal, for her to feel such a way about another woman, especially one she had known since childhood. She didn't want to drive Carol from her life. The one stable person she connected with ever since Sophia passed away. _

_Carol, unknown at the time to Nancy, had accepted the proposal of a man by the name of Edward Peletier. He was a Sergeant out on the same base her father had worked at. They'd known each other as teenagers, and now had reconnected through letters. He had asked her to marry him, and in return he was willing to pay for her Mother's cancer treatments, to which she readily agreed._

_"__What. The. FUCK Carol?" Nancy shouted when Carol told her the news,kicking the saddle stand over in a fit of rage._

_"__Nan. You know I can't stay here forever. I told you I'd be heading back when summer was gone." Carol looked at her with wide, soft eyes. "Come on honey. It doesn't have to be this way. You're supposed to be happy for me."_

_"__Happy for you? HAPPY FOR YOU? " Nancy took a deep breath. "In what Universe would I ever be happy for you? Runnin off and marryin some guy you barely even know? And for what? Money for your Mama? Hell, you know I could do that with my race winnings. Towanda and Me are heading to Vegas next season or so."_

_"__I love him!" It was a lie, and Carol knew it, but what else was she supposed to say? She had to calm Nancy down. Convince her that she was going to be happy with this man. _

_"__Love him? You barely even KNOW him!" Nancy ran her hands through her long waves, sinking down onto a hay bale. _

_"__I know him!" Carol defended, hopping up onto a stall gate, hoping she didn't sound as uncertain as she felt._

_"__Yeah? When's his birthday? What's his favorite color? Have you seen him drunk? Is he funny or mean? How does he react to being told no? What's he like in bed?"_

_"__NANCY!" Carol sputtered, nearly falling off the gate in surprise. "I don't know what he's like in bed, and anyways that shouldn't matter. At least, it's not the most important thing. And his birthday is January 17, his favorite color's green. I haven't seen him drunk, and why does that matter?" Carol was getting flustered, but Nancy wasn't going to let up. _

_"__It matters because you deserve more than some man you barely know. It matters because . Well, because…" Nancy fell silent, turning red as a tomato. _

_"__Why?" Carol pressed, feeling her face flush a bit as well. She half hoped that Nancy would say what she hoped Nancy would say._

_"__Because I'm in love with you! Why the hell else would it matter?" She looked into Carol's eyes, seeing tears, fear and something else shining back at her. _

_"__Nancy. I..I'm sorry. I can't do this. The wedding is next week. I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you." Carol moved to hug her, stunned when Nancy shoved her away._

_"__Fuck you. I know that you feel the same way for me. But you're too damn selfless to ever do anything for yourself even once. I could give you everything. I'm starting a breeding stable soon. Towanda's foals will bring in lots of money, and I've already bought a new stallion with my winnings. I can provide for you. I can take care of you, and your Mama. Carol, I love you. Please. Let me try-" The hard slap sent her reeling. She stepped back and saw that Carol was just as shocked as she herself was. _

_"__No. Nancy. It would cause a damn scandal, and I won't put my Mama's life in your hands. I don't trust you with something so important to me."_

_"__Aren't I important to you?" Nancy's voice had taken on a pleading tone._

_"__NO." Carol's voice was cold as she swung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the barn. "You're not."_


	4. Just a single day

Nan,

I regret that day in the stables more

Than anything else.

You are the most special, wonderful important

Person in my life, and I am so glad for the time we spent together.

You are my heart, darling.

My protector, and my friend.

I have never felt so loved as I do when I'm in your arms.

So, this is my gift to you.

Let it keep you warm and remind you of me.

Your Carol.

Nancy held the knitted blanket around her shoulders, stroking the soft white fabric, the red rosebuds and brown horse shoes. She buried her face in it, smelling the soft scent that she would always remember as Carol. She was warm, and loving and gentle and everything that she loved and missed.

"Nancy?" Michonne spoke softly, turning to wrap her arms around her friend. "That's a beautiful blanket. Carol was very talented. I never knew she could knit."

Nancy shivered, her eyes betraying the heartbreak she felt within, as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, " She used to knit for us all the time. She'd start a loaf of bread, and knit while it was rising, or knit while the cookies were in the oven. At Christmas time, she locked herself in the attic and make presents for Sophia and I." She smiled at the memory. "I remember once, and only once, I ever tried to knit. I bought a ball of yarn in Carol's favorite color, and hid out in the barn and tried to knit her a lap blanket. It..didnt turn out to be a blanket. Or...anything really. She found it, hidden in a hay bale, and She tried not to laugh, but soon she did, and we were both laughing, and then, well, um.." Nancy fell silent, not quite comfortable sharing the rest of what went on that afternoon.

"And..?" Michonne prompted, a smirk dancing in her eyes as she feigned innocence. She knew full well what had happened that day in the barn, as similar events had happened between her and Andrea that lead to the same outcome.

"And nothing Mich." Nancy swatted at her friend, a little of the playfulness returning to her face, as she lay on the ground in the house.

"Oh I dont think Carol thought it was nothing." Michonne countered, laughing at the blush that covered Nancy's cheeks.

"She knew it was something. I was quite good back then. " Nancy laughed, ignoring Michonnes shocked expression.

"Prove it." She joked, laughing loudly at Nancy's face.

"Come on Mich. Youve got better pick up lines than that." In one movement, Nancy had Michonne pinned to the carpet, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she placed a single kiss on her cheek before bolting up and running toward the staircase, Michonne shrieking behind her.

After frolicking, they lay down on the floor in front of the fireplace, and Nancy lost herself in the dusty pages of Gone with the Wind. She remembered Carol reading this to her, long ago, when she was pregnant with Sophia, and she was hiding from Ed at Nancy's estate. Her head had been in Carol's lap, one ear listening to Carol reading, the other listening to the soft kicks of the baby against her stomach. Carol had stroked her hair, lightly twirling it in her fingers, every so often pausing at her reading to place a kiss on Nancy's lips or, when she thought Nancy had dozed off, on her forehead. She'd pretended to be asleep, when Carol's voice had stopped reading, and started singing, soft words of old Celtic songs in Gaelic, that seemed to float effortlessly off her tongue. It had reminded her of Angels singing.

"Nan. Youre crying." Michonne's voice brought her out of her thoughts. She felt the rough hand brushing away her tears, that she hadnt even realized had fallen.

"She used to sing to me." Her voice came out she leaned into Michonnes arms. " When Sophia was born, shed sing to her whenever she thought I was asleep, and sometimes, if I was really lucky, shed pet my hair and sing. Shed sing while cleaning, and cooking as well. At Christmas time, wed go caroling together. Just the three of us. She used to hate when id call her my Christmas Carol. " She laughed softly. " Once, I was very sick. Id been out on a ride and a rainstorm started, and I didnt get home as quick as I should have. I got sick and had to stay in bed for a long time. Pneumonia. " She paused. " I wasnt able to keep anything down, and I couldnt even lift my head. She sent Sophia to my Mother's, and stayed beside me every moment. She thought I was going to die. So did the Doctors who came to the house. I remember coming back into consciousness, barely aware, to her softly singing to me. She...She laid down, put her head on my chest, and cried, begging me not to leave her. She held me, like that for hours, and I finally, for the first time in weeks, moved my hand and rubbed her back. Her voice has always been healing to me. I...Id give the world to hear it now. I miss her. So much. Mich..I need her here, with me, need to wake up to her Gaelic songs, and her lips on my temple. Id give...everything to have her back."

"I know you would. But you cant. That isnt how anything works." Michonne whispered gently, her hand finding Nancy's own, offering her what comfort was available in her grief. "Trust me. I know. When I lost Andrea, I felt like the entire world was falling, crashing down around me. I begged to whatever God was listening, bargained and pleaded to have her back for even a moment. But it doesnt work like that. I know you loved Carol. I know. I loved Andrea, with my whole heart. She saved me when I had lost myself. When she died, I nearly lost myself again, but then, I found Rick. He saved me too. I saved him. He got to have a piece of my heart too, though he didnt replace Andrea. She still owned my heart too. Carol will ALWAYS be in your heart. She will guide you, and love you, and when you really really feel lost, she'll come to your dreams."

"Really?" Nancy asked in disbelief. She wanted it to be true, wanted to escape into sleep and be with Carol again. Shed take any moment of their lives together, even the sad parts, like the day Carol left to go marry Ed, or when Shed chosen Ezekial, because she thought Nancy had been blown to bits by the Saviors. Or the scary parts, like when Ed had escaped the restraining order and shot a hole through the kitchen window, hitting Nancy in the shoulder. Or even the angry parts, where Carol sent her away when she escaped the Saviors and found her way to the Kingdom. Of course, shed LIKE the happy times. Like when Sophia was born,coming early and taking them both by surprise, Nancy helping to bring her into the world, in the barn of all places, since the damn truck wouldnt start. Shed never let Carol live down the Mother Mary jokes, which Carol, a devout Catholic, did NOT appreciate. Or the happiest of all, when she finally convinced Carol to marry her, and Gabriel performed the ceremony on the River bank.

"Nancy…" Michonne whispered. "She loves you still you know, just because she died, doesnt mean she doesnt love you."

"I know. I just wish she could Hold me. You know?" Her eyes filled with tears as she sank into her friends arms.

"Come here." Michonne's voice was soft, gentle as she pulled Nancy into a warm embrace under the covers, holding her as they both fell into sleep.


	5. Bandana

Nancy did not attend the wedding. She ignored the invitation she received in the mail, treating it the same way one would usually ignore the Sear's catalogue. Throwing it into the trashcan. Her life changed, after that day in the barn, and Mama couldn't for the life of her figure out why. Nancy was even scarcer around the house then she had been before Carol's return, spending the majority of her time out in the stable.

The only good thing about what was happening lately, was Nancy throwing herself into her work. She now had sixteen horses on the property, not counting Towanda, eight breeding stallions and four mares brought in for covering. The other four were range horses she was training. It didn't take her all too long to make a name for herself, in the outskirts of Atlanta, since she was already so well known to the rodeo crowd. People came from as far as Indiana to drop of their horses for training. She charged a fair price, and was never cruel with the animals, and once people got past the fact that she was a woman, she began having more business than she could handle, so she hired the local veteranarian's oldest sons to help out.

Several months in, she purchased several calm, gentle horses and began teaching lessons, making use of her time during the rodeo's off season. By late fall, she had several thousand dollars in the bank, and it was only at a steady climb. She had to hire several more people, and now had an impressive staff of ten employees, with several volunteers who mucked stalls in exchange for riding lessons.

She may not have been a church goer, but she still practised the fine art of charity. Nancy would hire just about anyone who came in and needed work, and the men in town knew that when their families were strapped for cash, to come to the Threadgoode barn and they could muck for an hour or so, or help groom the horses or mend the tack, and they would go home with enough to put food on their table, and to buy a little something extra for their young ones.

To an outsider, Nancy looked like she was happy, and for the most part she was. She enjoyed her work, loved being able to spend each and every day out under the hot sun being tossed here and there and everywhere by range mustangs, and end the day covered in dust and grime. She enjoyed watching the little foals take their first steps, a child's face light up at their first pony ride. She loved turning barrels on Towanda, and watching the young girls compete in kiddie rodeos. But some nights, when the stars were out and the moon was shining brightly, Mama would see Nancy sitting on the wooden fence, or laying in the grass, looking up at the sky. Sometimes shed be praying, to Mama's surprise, and sometimes she'd be talking to Sophia and Buckshot. Mama listened, but never told Nancy that she had eavesdropped, knowing her daughter was revealing things to her lost sister that shed never tell another living soul. But Mama began to pray with all her heart that Carol would come back. She couldn't stand to see her daughter in so much pain.

"You know Nancy." Doctor Greene was preg checking the mares that day, while Nancy groomed Towanda, taking any excuse to talk with the kind Veterinarian. "If I were you, Id at least go and see her. Youre going to be out that way tomorrow anyway, taking those ponies over to Little Lottie's party arent you?" WIthout waiting for an answer, he continued onwards. "Go see her. I'm sure she misses you as much as you miss her,"

"All due respect Doc, Im sure she dont want to see me, She was pretty pissed." Nancy was brushing Towanda's flank so hard it was sending dust flying into the air. "She has Ed."

"Nancy." She knew that tone. When Doctor Green slipped into it and stopped his work, he had something fatherly and important to say. She set down the brush and turned to face him, hopping up backwards on her horse's back. "I'm a believer in the Bible, but one thing I don't believe in is the idea that love, in any form, is inherently bad. I've heard you talk about Carol, heard of the love you have for her, and while I don't understand it, I don't think it's all that bad of a thing. Go see her. She may not need a girlfriend, wife, whatever your preferred term, but she does need a friend. Don't shy away from that. It's been nearly two years now." He sighed, wiping his hands off onto his apron. "My youngest daughter just turned two. Take it from me, Time flies. You'll regret the time you hide away. Trust me."

Nancy nodded, considering the Doctor's words. She missed Carol. There was no denying it. She was still in love with her, likely always would be. She wanted to know. Wanted to make sure she was alright, even though she probably was. Ed wa probably a wonderful husband, and would be a wonderful father someday. She had never met him, but she trusted Carol. She had to.

"Ill go see her tomorrow." Nancy said, rolling her eyes at the grin that broke out on the Doctor's face. He playfully tossed a handful of straw in her direction, which she dodged as she skillfully laid down on her horse's back.

Morning dawned with a beautiful sunrise. Mama knew something was up with Nancy, because rarely did her daughter shower and dress before breakfast, and she couldnt remember the last time Nancy was at the breakfast table. Her hair, to her mother's shock, was tied back in a long braid, and, while she wasn't in a dress, she was wearing her only pair of jeans that wasn't stained, and a new, soft yellow western blouse.

"Well dont you look nice this morning." Mama smiled, loading her daughter's plate with two pancakes, bacon and sausage, diced potatoes with peppers and a scoop of summer berries. "What's the occasion?"

"Aint no occasion Mama." Nancy said, around a mouthful of blueberry pancake. "Just got a sale on a horse today, and Johnson's coming to pick up his mare. If you dont mind overseeing that, I am going into town with a few of the ponies for Lottie's birthday party."

"Out in Suwanne?"Mama asked, her eyebrows raising. She had some idea of where this was going, and she hoped her dearly beloved daughter didn't meddle in something she wasn't meant to be meddling in.

"Yes." Nancy munched on her bacon, looking up at her mother. "You need me to pick up some fabric from Donaldson's on my way back?"

"No. I think im good. Still have the drapes to finish, but maybe next week I will. Don't you usually send an employee to do the kids parties?" Mama asked, fishing for information. She wanted Nancy to reassure her that she was not going over to Carol's place.

"Lottie's dad mentioned he might be buying her one of the ponies from today. I want to be there to make sure everything goes smoothly. Dont really want anyone else possibly selling her one of the new ones. Not that any of them are dangerous, but I want to ensure everything goes smoothly. I kinda hope he'll buy her Sugar. That sweet white one. She rides him everytime she comes for lessons, and I think he's her best match." Mama sighed in relief, watching with a smile as Nancy got up, and actually washed her plate before bounding out the door.

Nancy rode down the street, Towanda's tail swishing in the wind. She had left a hired hand in charge of the kids party, promising to return after she had tended to some business in town. She saw the house, saw the red truck in the driveway she knew to be Ed's, though she had never met the man, she knew Carol disliked trucks. With a pounding heart, she dismounted Towanda, tying her to a tree at the end of the yard. She walked up the porch, brushing the stray hairs from her face as she knocked on the door.

"Nancy? What a surprise!" Nancy knew Carol's mother, but was surprised the now frail woman remembered her. She saw something flash across her face, a look of apprehension. "Let me just go and get her." She stuck her head in the doorway. "CAROL! Nancy is here to see you."

Nancy held her breath, watching nervously as her friend walked out from the kitchen, carrying a plate of cookies.

"Nancy! Hello. I've missed you. What brings you out this way?" Something about how Carol was standing, how her face was angled, sent alarm bells off in Nancy's head. She hissed when Nancy pulled her into a hug, and Nancy pulled away, horrified.

"Did I hurt you? Carol? Are you alright?" Nancy whispered, her eyes widening as she saw the bruises that all but covered half of Carol's face. She knew she had not done that. "He hit you. Let me in there, I'll teach him to put his hands on a lady!" Rage coursed through her, and she moved to push the door open, wanting to beat the ever living shit out of Ed.

"Nancy Please! If you go in there, it will just make it worse when you leave! Please! If you love me, if you actually love me, take Towanda back home, and forget about this. Forget the bruises. Remember me, happy. Please." Nancy stopped, looking at Carol incredulously, but not wanting to argue with her, not wanting to cause her grief or be the reason she was beaten.

"I love you. I will always love you. Please, before I go, promise me something?" Nancy whispered, holding Carol's hand in her own.

"Of course love. What?" Carol asked, her voice equally quiet, as she looked into Nancy's eyes.

"If you decide to leave him, or you need me, promise me, you will contact me. I love you. And I will ALWAYS be available for you." Nancy took off her bandana, pushing it into Carol's pocket. "Keep this. It was Sophia's. She told me it would always keep me safe."

"WHOS OUT THERE? IF YOURE FUCKING THE PAPER BOY I'LL BEAT THE TAR OUT OF YOU, YOU WHORE BITCH" Nancy's hands balled into fists, but she didn't resist when Carol pushed her off the porch, eyes filled with fear as she turned to go inside.

"I love you." Carol whispered, before slamming the door behind her, disappearing back into the pit of hell she was forced to live in.

Nancy leapt onto Towanda's back, galloping back to the party with a ferocity she hadn't felt for a long time. The children were delighted when the golden mare made her grand entrance by leaping over the tall fence. She smiled when Lottie's father did indeed choose Sugar as his daughter's new pony, though anyone who knew her, could tell that she was distracted.

When she got home, it was already dark, and Mama was worried, alarmed even when Nancy said not a word to her, simply riding out into the darkness. What had happened that day?

"Nancy?"Doctor Green was coming out of the barn when she galloped up, dismounting from Towanda's back when the horse was still at a trot. She collapsed in his arms, sobbing for all she was worth.

"He beat her. He's beating her and I can't do a damn thing. He'll kill her Doc. He'll kill her!"

"Shhh. What are you talking about? This about Carol?" His strong hands on her shoulders steadied her, and she began to take deep, shallow breaths as she slowly calmed down. "Shhh. Nancy. What happened?"

"I went to go see her. Just like you said. Her face is all bruised up, and he...he was yellin and threatenin her, an she wont let me get her outta there on account of he's payin for her Ma's medical." She saw his face harden, and she tried again to take deep breaths as he led her inside. She sat down at the table, calming when his wife placed the giggling toddler on her lap.

"This is Elizabeth." He smiled proudly, a soft expression on his face as he turned to take a bowl from the cabinet, filling it with beef stew and a wheat roll. "I bet you havent eaten yet. Eat this stew, then we can talk in the study. Annette and Maggie are working on a cake."

Nancy smiled at the toothy grin the six year old gave her. "Im sure it will be great." She laughed softly as the little girl ran over and wrapped her arms around her Dad's legs.

"Im gonna grow up to ride, just like you." She said, looking at Nancy shyly. "Daddy says I can start taking lessons! Can I ride Wanda?"

"Towanda. And Im afraid not. Shes too much horse for you just yet. I think I'll let you ride Cookie. He's really sweet." Nancy smiled, feeling calmer now, in the presence of the little ones.

"She's not more horse than any other horse! They all look the same." Maggie looked at her, perplexed as she tried to understand the figure of speech.

"No. What I mean is, Towanda is a barrel racing horse. She's meant for a very experienced rider. Not for a beginner. But someday. When you get really good, you will ride a horse like her. You just gotta be patient first." Nancy heard the Veterinarian laugh.

"Patience isn't your strong suit, is it Maggie May?" He asked, his eyes twinkling as he joked with his daughter.

"I'm a girl!" She said, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "I dont wear a suit. Suits are for boys. 'Cept bathing suits, and Mommy says not to wear those 'cept in the pool. Or the lake. 'Specially not to church."


	6. Knight in Shining Armor

Nancy brushed Towanda's coat until she shone, placing the embroidered saddle pad on her golden back, the black fabric a perfect accent, matching the saddle completely, it's fine black leather gleaming from the polish, even the stirrups shining bright. Nancy herself wore a black blouse, with a golden outline of Towanda on the back, embroidered with love and care by her mother, and dark jeans with black and gold boots. She wore no spurs. Her fine mare responded to her voice alone, never needing the spurs as some barrel horses did. She turned her mare, holding the bridle as they moved at a steady walk, Nancy watching the palomino's hooves, knowing that at any moment, no matter what, she would call off the big race if her mare showed even the slightest of limps.

"Heey, Lookee here. Somebody's selling an old nag. Wanting a barrel racer to buy it." Nancy didnt pay much attention as the stable guys, Dr. Greene's sons, tossed around the horse classifieds. It was given out at every rodeo event,and she never even gave it so much as a glance. She HAD her main mare, and she wasn't looking to replace her just yet. "Listen to this. Rescued mare seeking barrel racer. Cant run barrels, shies at touch. Close cropped greying mane. Not much to look at. Need gone ASAP. Handler is abusive. Filly foal due in May." Nancy's eyebrows shot up as she turned from half listening to her full attention focused on the boys.

"Let me see that." She took it from his hand, staring at the ad incredulously. "Rescued mare seeking barrel racer. Cant run barrels, shies at touch. Close cropped greying mane. Not much to look At. Need gone ASAP. Handler is abusive. Filly foal due in May." She saw it, the capitalized letters, well placed that spelled out NAN. Her heart dropped to her stomach.

"John. Take Towanda home. Pack her up. I have to go." Her breath hitched, and she caught the old Vet's eye. "Herschel. This mare needs a doctor. Come with me?" Her eyes were pleading, and he must have heard the urgency in her voice because he stood up immediately.

"Take her home? Nancy, this is a once in a lifetime. The only opportunity you'll EVER have to run the NFR! If you win you'll be rich! And you're throwing it all away for what? A worthless mare?" John criticized, glaring daggers at her when she didnt respond, simply throwing her bag into the truck bed.

"Load her up, and take her home." Nancy snarled, putting the truck into drive as soon as Herschel had hopped in the passenger seat.

It was a long drive, back to Georgia, and Nancy passed the time by staring out the window, her eyes studying the landscape as it changed from dusty to green, to long, endless fields of corn and wheat. She wanted, no, longed to be back right then, to take Carol into her arms and away from that horrible monster that had no right to be called her husband.

"Nancy" Doctor Greene had long since taken over the wheel, rightfully so after seeing that Nancy was in no condition to be driving anywhere, after she had put the truck into a hundred and twenty miles an hour, insisting on getting there as fast as she could. "Staring won't make us get there any faster."

"Know that. But my girl is still with that monster." Nancy's hand was almost bone white, she was clutching the door handle so tightly. Her heart was beating so fast she thought that her chest was sure to split right open, and her face was creased with worry lines as long as the road was to Georgia.

"She's survived this long, she's like to keep along another day or so." Herschel's expression too, was grim. He had known Nancy since before the death of Sophia and Buckshot, and it had been He who had evaluated Towanda when her Daddy first brought the mare home. He considered the Threadgoode family an extension of his own. "I'll get us back as soon as I can. Meanwhile, sleep, until It's your turn to drive."

Nancy did not take his advice, however, keeping her watch out the window, seeing the states pass by, New Mexico, Texas. It was in Oklahoma at around two in the morning that Herschel stopped them at a drive thru. Nancy filled the truck up with gas while Herschel went inside to buy some tacos for the trip. Nancy ate, but she wasn't hungry. A fire grew in her heart as she took her turn at the wheel, the only sound besides the wind of the road being Herschel's snoring. She thought about Carol. How her best friend was in such a dangerous situation, and, to make matters worse, had a child with the man who was beating her. She knew she would do whatever it took to get Carol away, hell, she'd take a bullet if she had to. That woman was her love, her lifeline, her everything. Nancy never would admit such things out loud, not even to Herschel. She had never been the best at expressing emotions, and it had only gotten worse after Sophia's death. But now? Now she would shout from the rooftops, if it meant that Carol could be safe. Could survive. She wanted more than anything, she'd give anything, Hell, she had given up her once chance she'd ever have at winning Vegas, the NFR, as soon as she got word Carol needed her. But what if she was too late? Nancy couldn't stomach the thought.

After thirty hours on the road, they arrived in Suwanne as the sun was high in the sky. Nancy drove like a madwoman, ignoring Hershcel's orders to slow down, lest they were pulled over by the local officers. Her tires squealed as she pulled into the yard, right on up to the porch, asking Herschel to keep lookout at she darted from the car and into the house, her gun resting on her hip.

"CAROL!" She shouted, her voice panicked, coming to a stop as she saw the woman sitting in front of the big picture window at the top of the staircase. "Oh..Thank Goodness, Baby, youre okay-" She wrapped Carol in her arms, inhaling the scent that time couldn't change.

"Nancy." The helplessness in her voice tore at her heart, and Nancy felt tears in her eyes. "We gotta go. Now, if we're going to. I got some boxes packed, down stairs. Mama's things and most of mine. I...Knew youd come. When I put that ad. Had to have some way Ed wouldn't find out. Knew youd see it."

"Herschel and Me, we've come to take you back to my place. I'm gonna take care of you now. You and that little girl." Nancy helped her up, relieved to see Herschel already loading boxes into the truck bed. "You wanna sit here while I help with all your shit?" Her voice was light, trying to offer a bit of Reassurance. "Gather up the last few things, quilts? Your social security card? Birth certificate? Your artwork?"

"Already got it- Just need to grab one last thing if there's room for it." Carol turned, disappearing into the master bedroom. Her limp made Nancy nearly growl with rage.

"What the fucks goin on here?" The Man's voice startled her, and she handed the heavy box to Herschel as she searched for the source.

"Dont do anything stupid." Herschel hissed, as Nancy bolted back inside, stopping dead at the bottom of the staircase.

"I'm taking my Girl home." Nancy snarled, her hand on her holster, though she knew she couldn't fire the gun without hurting Carol. The woman was held in a chokehold, gasping for breath as her eyes cried out to Nancy.

"The hell you are. This heres my wife. Shits legal and everything." Ed threatened, his grip tightening around Carol's throat. Carol clawed desperately at his arm, though it did absolutely nothing to cause him to let go.

"I'll give you anything." Nancy's tone was pleading, desperate, begging. She advanced forward, taking the stairs two at a time.

"What're you gonna do? Give me a horse? Think that'll make me give ya my wife? Man's gotta have a wife. Aint his place to clean his own house, cook his own meals. Gotta have a pretty little thing to come home to at night." His hand travelled downwards, and Carol cried out as his hand slid into her jeans.

"Dont you do that." Nancy growled,charging at him, hearing him cry out as Carol managed to sink her teeth into his arm. Nancy lunged, but wasn't quick enough. Ed grabbed the back of Carol's shirt, one handedly flinging her down the stairs and into the wall.

"HERSCHEL! HELP HER!" Nancy's rage over took her, as she leaped onto Ed's back, gripping his collar like the manes of the horses she trained. Her heels of her riding boots dug into his sides, the spurs she rarely wore causing him to scream in agony.

"FUCK YOU." He spat, hands on the top stair, bucking her off of him like a range stallion. She didnt cry out as she fell, flying through the air until she hit the middle stair, and each one until the ground.

"NAN!" Carol pulled away from Herschel, pulling her to her feet, and out to the truck, though if she couldve, Nancy wouldve continued the fight, likely to the death.

"You ever touch her again, I'll kill you." Nancy promised, as she climbed into the truck, pulling Carol in after her, allowing Herschel to drive.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asked, stroking Carol's hand, the other woman resting her head against her chest. "Is the baby?"

"Think I'm fine Nan. You Im worried about. You took an awful hit." Carol's voice was like dripping honey in her ear, and Nancy shivered, having missed this voice so well. "You're literally my Knight in Shining armor now, you know that? You always will be. From now on. This little girl's gonna be really lucky having you for a Mama."


End file.
